The Ultimate Defence
by Sannikex
Summary: Gaara's real ultimate defence lies around his heart, will he surrender or will he let love into his life for the first time? Research ninja Koizumi Sayuri can't fight in battle but she has learned to fight for what she wants in life, will she get what she wants most? Story compliant, G/OC
1. Chapter 1

The Ultimate Defence

Chapter 1

A/N: This is the result of a plot bunny that would not leave me alone and written only for my enjoyment but I hope that you will like it too. It's my first time writing Naruto fanfiction and I'm not a native Japanese or English speaker so I hope you will excuse any mistakes I've made.

He had serious eyes. They were a pale green, a dreamy, calm colour that contrasted against the distance in them. She wouldn't say they were cold, just reserved. Guarded and watching, just like his usual pose of standing with one hip cocked and his arms crossed over his chest. He wasn't very tall but the auburn hair and something in his stance made his presence commanding nonetheless. She'd heard he'd been a Jinchuuriki and had done things no one would talk about now. But he was the Kazekage, master of the Wind Country and Leader of the Joined Allied Forces and looked no older than her. She wondered how it must feel to have the fate of so many lives on your shoulders. She didn't envy him one bit for that job.

He was standing in front of his desk when she entered, talking to his sister about something. She felt a quick stab of envy seeing the tall, beautiful blonde before she shook her head. They were at war and she was jealous of being leggy and fair-haired. Temari, that was her name, gave her an indifferent look and barely nodded as she left the tent. Well, fine. She might not be a battle kunoichi but what she did was important as well. She squared her shoulders a bit as she watched Temari leave.

"Yes?" Gaara's voice interrupted her mental ego boosting and she turned towards him. The full force of his gaze hit her and for some reason she felt like a first year in the Academy, having to throw shuriken in front of her teacher and classmates. She stopped herself from squirming.

"I'm from the Research Division, to report, Kazekage-sama."

"I haven't seen you before, do you work under Inoichi?" He had a very deep and rasping voice that contrasted to his youthful features and modest build. She had heard it carry in the valley on the first day, promising his head in return for old sins if everyone would put them aside for now.

"Yes, well Research is part of Intelligence but I'm not actually an Interrogation ninja. We coordinate information from Intel and battlefield accounts with known sources and accounts of previous instances. I'm researching battle techniques in the Ancient Scrolls to see if anything like this has happened before and if there are ways to beat it", she said without catching her breath. Between being basically ignored by the kunoichi and standing in front of one of the most powerful ninjas in the world she felt as if she had to prove herself.

"I see. And what is your name?"

"Koizumi Sayuri of Konoha, Kazekage-sama."

"Nice to meet you, Koizumi-san. What do you have to report?" He gestured towards his desk and she stepped forward when her foot got caught and she stumbled. Faster than she would deem even a high-rank ninja able to move he had caught her by the arm as the papers and books shed been carrying fell and scattered over the floor. She felt the heat of his body and noted he was quite a bit taller than she, and he smelled of sandalwood. Then her mind caught up and she could feel the heat rising in her cheeks.

"Ah, I'm sorry, I can be so clumsy, I-" She saw his gaze travel to the rank on her flak jacket and she squared her shoulders. "I'm not a battle ninja. I'm a tokubetsu jonin specialized in Research of Ancient and Hidden Jutsus. I have crappy coordination but I can perform and teach ninjutsus no one else knows." She jutted her chin in the air, because as always it hurt. Hurt to know the only real value of a ninja was physical and something she could never master. She had worked harder than anyone she knew for her rank and she still had to defend it after 3 years as a jonin.

"I bring as much to the table as anyone else even if I can't throw shuriken at moving targets or punch someone out." His gaze was locked in hers for a second longer before he nodded and let go of her arm and crouched down to gather her papers. Dumbfounded she blinked before crouching as well. Usually people were less ready to accept her rank since she had a hard time performing even simple genin battle skills. No matter that she could do a – never mind, it had happened before and would happen again.

"I know what it's like to be misjudged. I don't doubt you can help, your way." He handed her her papers and stood up and offered his hand to pull her up. She knew a peace offering when she saw one so she accepted his hand and was surprised by the strength in it.

"I can help and I will", she said with a smile.

POV

Gaara absentmindedly rubbed his hand as he stood at the tent opening looking out at the seemingly chaotic campsite. Koizumi Sayuri had just left after having shown him a dusty tome that looked about as interesting as mud. It was called _Legacies_ and seemed to be an account of a long since dead line of ninjas who specialized in Earth Styles. She had added some complicated chart with little numbers and symbols scribbled on it and for a while her voice had just been a murmur as he tried to make sense of what she was trying to explain.

"Wait, wait, you said you can do what?" Patiently she had bent over the chart again and pointed and explained. "So you are saying we can stop these clones taking us by surprise?"

"Well, some of them. I mean the element of surprise is vital. But like I said this technique was used to defend camps from an ancient kind of giant earthworms that luckily don't exist anymore. Anyway, these worms would attack the camps from underground, taking them all by surprise so they came up with a sort of chakra reinforced soil wall in the ground. Usually in a circle around the camp but I thought, since you have your sand and we have the Tsuchikage and his Earth style ninjas we may be able to make a stronger justsu, perhaps even a large scale Desert Coffin, trapping them and squashing them like the bugs they are. I need to make more calculations to find out how much the Earth style users can do to know the scale of the "coffin", but I wanted to ask you first before I ask permission to teach the Earth style ninjas this jutsu."

Speechless he just shook his head. No strategy meeting had filled him with as much hope as the scribbled little sketch of this shy, slightly clumsy Research ninja. "I mean it would probably only work once before they learn how to sense the walls but depending on how many learn the jutsu I think it's worth a try?" He nodded.

"I think this is more than worth a try, it's a plan of action. What do you need from me? More people? Help?"

"Really?" He nodded again and she surprised him by throwing her head back and laugh. Her hair swept away from her face and he saw a quietly pretty face, with a pair of eyes the colour of a midnight sky, a small nose and a pretty mouth. Fine features that looked delicate with pale skin dusted with freckles, she looked a bit like she'd been powdered in his father's Gold Dust. "I'm glad you listened to me, you won't regret it!" Her eyes seemed to dark for her complexion and seemed to pull him in every time he glanced at her. "I don't need anything for now, but I will once my calculations are done. Will you help me with a test run? It's important the jutsu doesn't tamper with your sand, only helps it."

"Yes, of course." She sent him another smile before she hurried out of the tent. Now he stood in the opening pondering how people could be so wrong about each other. He usually prided himself in not making assumptions about others; he knew where they could lead. But this girl who couldn't be any older than him and already a jonin had surprised him. He had wondered how someone who stumbled over their own feet made jonin and she had proved him wrong entirely. From an old family chronicle she had come up with a plan that if it worked would cause the enemy serious damage and that before they had even reached the battlefield.

He looked down, his hand felt different. He realized he had actually touched this girl twice, and one of the times by choice. He didn't usually invite to physical contact, there were few instances in life he felt it necessary. He just didn't really understand it, as a child there had been no easy hugs or spontaneous kisses. Without a starting point he had no clue when or where physical contact was appropriate and so he usually refrained from it all together. Not that he didn't know it had its time and place, he knew where babies came from but growing up a Jinchuuriki and then making Kazekage at age 15 there had really not been much time to give it any thought except for hazy daydreams. He ran a hand through his hair. Temari kept nagging him to do something about his hair, saying it didn't look very official with an unkempt red mop but he really couldn't summon the will to care. What was he even doing out here thinking about how he looked and when he could touch a girl's hand? He had a million things to do, he could ponder why he hadn't minded touching Koizumi Sayuri later, like after the war he was running. He spotted Kakashi leisurely rambling in the general direction of the food tent, one of the ever-present romance novels in his hand.

"Kakashi!" The older ninja looked up and changed direction if not speed. Sometimes Gaara wondered if he was purposely slow to annoy people enough to make a mistake. The white-haired jonin stopped in front of him, stuffed his hands in his pockets (where did the novel go?) and tilted his head inquiringly. "I have something to show you."

POV

Kakashi left the tent with a lingering feeling of surprise. As far as he knew he had knowledge of more jutsus than most but here this young girl had found a new (or, well, old and forgotten) jutsu that beat anything he had done so far in this war. The idea was simple but no one had actually thought of joining so many forces from the same elemental chakra into one attack, hadn't really known you could. Earth Style users were spread in all the forces, long-, close- and intermediate distance and had never counter attacked together before. But little Sayuri had. He remembered when her promotion had been discussed and how Tsunade had fought for the girl. The Elders had opposed the idea of promoting someone who had genin level battle skills to jonin and the Hokage had argued that she'd rather have a Researcher jonin help her in battle than another genin to carry out D-missions. In the end it had been decided that the Rules allowed her to become a tokubetsu jonin, with specialisation research. Apparently Tsunade had been right.

He'd known the Koizumis before they were killed, both jonin and wondered if they'd known what their daughter was capable of. He didn't have a clear picture of Sayuri, only had a vague recollection of long dark brown hair and dark eyes. She must have been a year before or after his own Team 7. Well, he was glad she had been able to help in her way and he looked forward to learning this new jutsu. He'd seen the plan of it but had refrained from simply scanning it with his Sharingan, Gaara had said she was still modifying it so it would be a waste to re-learn it. Gaara had seemed almost excited about this plan. In his own manner of course, there was no excitement showing on his face, but there seemed to be anxiousness in his movements, a tension in his usually impassive face. That was good too, the young ninja had far too little to be excited about and far too much on his shoulders. He was more than capable of handling it but Kakashi knew the effects of war at a young age. He wouldn't wish it on anyone.

"Kakashi!" Guy sidled up to him, his white teeth flashing as usual. He had no idea how his friend managed to smile while he talked but then again there were a lot of mysteries to Might Guy. Like his sense of dress for example. "Excellent, I found you! I challenge you!" Kakashi sighed,

"Do you really think now is the time?"

"Of course it is! We haven't had a proper battle in days, we're going soft! I'm inflamed by the springtime of my youth and all there is to do is wander around! I challenge you to any contest of your choice!" Oh well, Kakashi thought, it wasn't as if he were busy.

"Fine."

A/N2: Thank you for reading! I did shamelessly invent the Reasearch Division but tokubetsu jonin is apparently a specialized ninja so I decided to have Sayuri as one. Hope you enjoyed it / Sannikex


	2. Chapter 2

Sayuri got up and stretched. Since the Kazekage had approved her idea she'd spent 18 hours at her desk, trying out every possible angle to make the technique stronger. Considering most Earth Style users powers she'd calculated the range of their combined force. She did not know however, how the jutsu combined with the Kazekage's chakra infused sand – for that she needed to see him. It was already late but impatience urged her on.

Sayuri grabbed an energy pill – not only useful for people in the battlefield but also for people who often spent 14 hours of their waking time behind a desk squinting at old documents and handwritten accounts. She swallowed after an absolute minimum of chewing. They were Sakura's batch and though potent the taste was vile. She hurried out and the chilly night air hit her. It was a beautiful night, the stars were twinkling and the air smelled of fresh grass and carried a mild tang from the cooking fires. She nodded towards two shinobi on guard duty by the edge of the camp whom she recognized as Konoha ninja and hurried off towards the Headquarters.

The dew soaked her sandals and she sped up, it was later than she'd first thought and the Kazekage might not be up still. But a growing sense of urgency kept her going. Finally she reached the tent and sighed in relief – there was a light flickering inside, drawing monstrous shadows on the maroon walls of the tent. Two ninjas were standing guard outside the doorflap. She approached them and was stopped.

"The Kazekage has retired, you can come back tomorrow." She considered going back and lay sleepless from anxiousness.

"Will you please ask him if he'll see Koizumi Sayuri? It's urgent." Urgent was the magic word in times of war, not please, and after glancing at each other on of the shinobi went inside the tent and she heard a murmured conversation. After a moment the ninja returned and motioned her in. Sayuri ducked in and realized she'd interrupted him on his way to bed. The gourd he carried his sand in was leaning against the simple bed and he'd taken off the grey holster vest he usually wore and his coat, standing in simple black trousers and shirt. The gourd looked strange standing on its own, she was so accustomed to seeing it strapped to his back and had never seen him without it before. What did you think, Sayuri, that he slept with it? A mental image of him cuddling the gourd in his sleep, his arm slung over the narrow middle part, flashed in her head.

"Er, sorry", go away, stupid image, "I know it's late…" He only stood with his arms crossed over his chest.

"What is it you need?" She saw the tiredness she felt mirrored in his features and hesitated. But she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep anyway if she didn't perfect the jutsu and she needed his sand in order to do it. She drew a deep breath and decided to just get on with it.

"I need to test how the jutsu affects your sand. The easiest way would probably be if you summon it, roughly in a boxshape about this size", she gestured to show him. "Then I'll try getting the chakra wall through." He looked as if he very much doubted that would help anything. "I know I probably won't be able to get the wall through, but I'll get a feel for the chakra flow of the sand and can modify the jutsu from there so the two will work together." He nodded and Sayuri looked around for the best place to practice before she just plopped down on the floor cross-legged. The Kazekage joined her and she was glad the grass had been covered with mats, making it more comfortable than sitting directly on the ground. He'd left the gourd standing where it was and only reached out his hand in a summoning motion before the sand obediently came dancing from the opening, crossing the room before settling in layers between them. He looked up inquiringly and she nodded, she didn't need more than that for testing. Sitting opposite each other with the finished "sand box" in the middle she drew a deep breath and summoned her own chakra. She went through the hand motions slowly to not make mistakes and to weaken the jutsu enough to avoid accidents when it came in contact with the Kazekage's absolute defence. Finishing the motions she gestured the jutsu down towards the sand and immediately felt a huge resistance.

"Can you weaken it a bit? I need the jutsu to actually touch it to understand the chakra movements. He nodded and she felt the sand give a little. Slowly a shallow groove appeared in it but when she pushed further it didn't give any more, but she'd felt the two natures at once and just needed to make some calculations in order to find a way to join them. Sayuri released the jutsu and realized she was slightly out of breath. She must be more tired than she'd thought.

"That's all. I need some more time to join the two forces but I think it's worth the wait to be able to use your sand. It'll make the jutsu more powerful and add another level of surprise. I'm going to head back and start work-", she said as she got up, then felt the world spin before all went black.

POV

Gaara saw her eyes turn unseeing before she collapsed. He managed to catch her before she hit the ground and scooped her up, then stood, unable to decide what to do. He looked down at her pale face and wondered when she'd eaten or slept last. Feeling guilty for not having made her accept some help earlier he considered carrying her back to her tent. The problem was, he didn't know where that was. Also carrying around an unconscious woman in the middle of the night would attract attention, people would think they were under siege or that another scouting mission had gone awry. He hoisted her up a bit higher, thinking she was too light, she probably skipped meals often, sitting buried in her books.

The feeling of protectiveness that came over him surprised him, but she was a ninja and therefore under his care for as long as he was the Commander of the Allied Forces. He looked over at the bed. He didn't know where she belonged and carrying her around outside at random seemed stupid, besides he had an early morning meeting tomorrow with the other Kages. He made up his mind and laid her down on his bed, pulling the covers up to her chin. His arms felt empty after being relieved of her weight.

Gaara turned and automatically reached out for the sand that was still sitting on the floor and silently it hovered back into the gourd. The jutsu had dented it only slightly, and at a weakened state, but it was still impressive. He looked back down on the girl sleeping in his bed and wondered if she understood just how impressive. He wasn't very good with words, he thought, but he wished he could think of some that would convey it to her without making him sound patronising. He shook his head, he had no clue what to do to make her realize that her discovery could be the turning pint of this war. He grabbed the extra blanket and settled down on the floor, it wasn't as if he slept much anyway so he didn't mind taking to the ground for a night.

POV

Sayuri woke to the sounds of the camp raising and activity starting to buzz. Disoriented she blinked at the maroon fabric above her. Her tent was dark green. She sat up and glanced around. _Oh, it's the Kazekage's tent_. And she was in his bed. In a flash the night before came back to her. She must have fainted. She'd been stupid, not realizing how tired she had been. The price to pay was the eternal embarrassment. She could only imagine what the Kazekage must think.

"Kazekage-sama, it's time to wake up, sir." A voice said and Sauyri stiffened in shock. Then she realized that there were partitions between the meeting room and the "bedroom" that were usually open during the day but were now drawn and the person speaking was on the other side, in the meeting area. She could vaguely make his shape out through the fabric. Sayuri was about to climb out of bed when she spotted him. Rolled up in a blanket, on the floor, was the Kazekage, fast asleep. She had made the Commander of the Allied Shinobi Forces sleep on the ground in his own tent. He looked younger in his sleep, she noted. His usually serious features were relaxed and he looked almost angelic. Well, with the markings around his eyes and the tattoo, maybe more of a fallen angel. It only served to make him seem even more appealing and she stifled a weird urge to hug him really hard.

Suddenly it struck her what it would look like if someone were to enter and find them all rumpled in his "bedroom" and she blushed to the roots of her hair. The other ninja could come back any minute to see why the Kazekage hadn't gotten up yet. She hurriedly got out of bed and crouched down and then hesitated for a moment. If she said his name people would easily be able to hear her through the fabric of the tent. Instead she put a hand on his shoulder. He woke with a start and before she'd time to react, he's grabbed her wrist, pulled her down and rolled on top her, pinning her to the ground in one smooth movement. Frozen she laid under him, her heart thundering in her chest, both from surprise and something else, something that made her intensely aware of where their bodies touched. His hands were pinning her wrists above her head and his face was only centimetres away from hers. Her breathing hitched in her throat and she saw his sleep-clouded eyes clear. For a second their eyes locked and her heartbeat changed pace, beating in slow, hard pumps, making her muscles feel slack and for a moment she thought that even if she'd had to run she wouldn't be able to. Then he sprang up, two bright red spots burning on his cheeks.

"Sorry, I…", he ran a hand through his already sleep-mussed hair and she sat up.

"No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have taken you unawares. Ninja and all." For a few moments awkward silence reigned before she got up and dusted herself off. "Thank you for…" _For what? Letting me sleep in your bed? Pinning me to the ground and stirring me up_? "…everything", she finished lamely. Feeling like an idiot she used the back opening of the tent and hoped to God the camp would still be mostly asleep so no one could see her leaving his tent with messy hair and burning cheeks.


	3. Chapter 3

If the other Kages thought he was even quieter than usual they didn't remark on it. The only one who seemed to sense anything unusual in his behaviour was Temari who was on bodyguard duty. She sent him a long look before she took her place behind him. He didn't think she in a million years could guess what had shaken him. She certainly wouldn't guess that he'd woken up with a warm woman under him, her lips a breath from his, her body pressed against his, looking up at him with huge, dark eyes. If that hadn't disturbed his thoughts enough he'd also been _taken_ _unawares_. He had never in his life been caught off guard. When he slept it was usually in short, fitful spells often filled with nightmares. Tonight he'd slept the night through for the first time he could remember and on a floor no less. After having been lulled to sleep by Koizumi Sayuri's even breathing in the darkness. He didn't know why her presence calmed him sometimes and then stirred him up the next. He had no time to think about it and it was making him testy.

He couldn't concentrate in the meeting because he kept wondering what she was doing and whether she'd remembered to eat or if she'd gone straight back to work and would pass out again. When the thought of her fainting and hitting her head on something occurred he gave in and sent Kakashi to check on her with the excuse that the Konoha ninja was an excellent Earth Style user and could easily pick up the new jutsu with his Sharingan.

POV

Kakashi stuck his head in the tent and found Koizumi Sayuri behind a desk with precariously piled books heaped around her. Her hair was scooped up and fastened with a pen, another was stuck behind her ear and a third she used as she scribbled at a furious pace.

"Koizumi-san?" She looked as if he'd just woken her up and she blinked in confusion at him for a second.

"Kakashi-sensei." He'd never been her teacher but he was a teacher nonetheless.

"Just Kakashi is fine. Can I come in?"

"Just Sayuri then. Of course, come on in." Absentmindedly she rubbed her hand that was aching from writing for too long.

"Thank you." He stepped in, his hands in his pockets as was often his habit when there was no novel clasped in them. "Gaara asked me to come see how you were getting along and see if you needed to use me as guinea pig", he said as he curiously went around the tent, tilting his head to read titles of books and squinting at obscure symbols.

"Oh. Well, I'm almost done, I think, and then I can teach you the jutsu, then Gaara and then we can split the Earth Style users between us and pass it on." Kakashi nodded and wondered why she sounded so hesitant.

"That sounds like a good idea. You've done well, Sayuri, with this jutsu. Your parents would have been proud." She smiled at him uncertainly and Kakashi realized that her close-range combat jonin shinobi parents may not have been too happy to have a daughter who specialized in research. He didn't really understand reasoning like that. So far he didn't know how many clones he'd killed in combat but Sayuri had from her desk come up with a way to easily beat his number – if the jutsu worked as planned.

"The other Kages just accepted the idea. Gaara spoke highly of it at the strategy meeting this morning. Tsunade-sama wanted me to tell you she's very impressed." The smile this time was more real and he was glad he'd managed to find the key to turn in her head.

"Gaara also asked me to me sure you ate." He smiled inwardly when he saw her shocked face. He'd been as surprised by the request of the Kazekage but he'd been glad. The young Commander had been through a lot and if there was something to help him deal with the responsibilities he had, Kakashi was more than happy to oblige.

"Oh, I can't possibly right now, I'm almost done and-"

"I don't think there's room for arguing, it's by order of the Commander of the Allied Shinobi Forces." She opened her mouth to protest and then closed it again, nodding her consent with her gaze trained to the ground close to his sandals. Wasn't this interesting, Kakashi thought, the Kazekage's admiration was obviously returned by little Sayuri. There was an interesting turn for you, the tension between the reserved Lord of the Sand and the info-nin from Konoha. He thought he could see why the Kazekage felt protective of Sayuri. She was of a delicate build and was clearly not taking good care of herself. He also didn't think what Sayuri felt was the common fan-girl admiration Gaara received a lot but a more real affection independent on whether the Sand leader was the Kazekage or the street sweeper.

Gaara's fate had always tugged at his heartstrings since there were so many similarities between his and Naruto's pasts. They had both fought prejudice and hate and come out victorious as the heroes of their respective villages. Still, while Naruto easily made friends Gaara was more reserved and kept to himself mostly. This protectiveness was a good sign, and Kakashi decided to help whatever it was along. The young man definitely needed all the friends he could get. He held up the tentflap and let her pass him and she smiled shyly. Yes, he decided, he would do his best by young Sayuri and Gaara of the Sand.

POV

Kakashi was friendlier than she'd imagined. He had always seemed nice but she seldom saw him with anyone besides his team and sometimes Guy-Sensei. But he had accompanied her to the food tent and shown genuine interest in her work, listening to her, joking with her. She wondered why he wasn't married. He was obviously handsome under his mask and very charming, especially when he smiled, he squinted a bit when he did and it made him look like a happy hedgehog. Maybe he just hadn't found the right person. She shook her head; it really wasn't any of her business.

She looked back down on her calculations, saw the numbers begin their usual dance in front of her eyes, moving at will, switching places and turning into each other. She understood other people didn't experience the same dance when they looked at a series of numbers, charts or codes but to her it had always been a natural thing. She had worked in the code-breaking unit for a while but however much she enjoyed the puzzle of it she liked research better, but it was at times like this when she got to use both her love for numbers and her inquiring mind that she was at her happiest.

Suddenly she was startled by a noise and she looked up to see the Kazekage standing in front of her, his arms crossed, face impassive.

"I've been here for two minutes now, did you really not notice?" He gave her such a piercing stare she felt as if he were trying to look _into_ her. She felt stupid and pushed her papers away to not get distracted again. "Do you know what someone could do to you in even less than two minutes?" His deep voice sounded silkier than usual and she shivered, not in fear but in…anticipation? Why, she wondered, why did he only see her when she was doing moronic things like stumbling or fainting or enjoying a private moment of calculations unaware of her surroundings?

"I was ordered to find a solution as quickly as possible and that's what I was doing, I wasn't on guard duty", she said defensively.

"No, but you are guarding possibly the most important secret we have at the moment. I'm going to post guards around this tent."

"What? But I-"

"Could someone from outside make sense of your research?", he interrupted.

"No. Maybe. If they had time", she said feeling foolish.

"Like if they for example caught you unawares and killed you? Or snuck in and captured you?" She was dumbstruck. She _had_ been careless. She knew she probably couldn't defend the research forcibly but…it had never been this important before, she hadn't thought twice about it.

"Fine." He nodded in his curt manner. He looked around and she was aware her tent was a mess but there was a system to it that only she knew. There were bookshelves that came out of storage scrolls and most of them held storage scrolls that led to the book she needed or in some cases more scrolls. It was a complex system but it worked for her and meant she could bring an entire, nearly weightless, library with her. Shoved in a corner was her bed, unmade as usual and for some reason him seeing her bed made her blush.

"Kakashi said you were ready to teach me the jutsu so we can each pass it on." She furrowed her brown in confusion, as far as she could remember she'd told the older Konoha ninja she would go over to the Kazekage's tent tomorrow morning to show the jutsu but he must have misunderstood since the Kazekage was standing in front of her in her messy tent. She was done however so now was as good time as any.

"Oh, right. Well…", Sayuri looked around for another chair but the only other place to sit in the room was her bed. She thought she saw panic flash in his eyes as she looked over at the bed before he sat down on the floor. She must have imagined it, why would her bed scare him? Sayuri grabbed the most recent calculations and sat down next to him, spreading the papers in front of them.

It didn't take him long to catch on and after repeating it flawlessly three times she deemed him ready to pass it on. The sand they'd used for practice was lazily swirling in the air and in the light from the lone candle in the tent it glinted like gold. The noise from outside had died down and the breeze whooshing through the gaps in the fabric was the only sound that could be heard. It felt a bit surreal to sit in the soft light with the Kazekage and watch the dancing sand, as if she were dreaming. Sayuri reached out a hand to touch the moving sand. Lazily it swirled around her hand and up around her wrist touching her skin in soft feather-light strokes as it drew intricate patterns in the air.

"Are you doing that?" She turned towards him and met his eyes, the pale green almost glowing in the dusk. He nodded and she broke the eye contact, feeling as if the sand moving for her was too intimate, that the tent was suddenly too small and that the feather-light strokes were his hands instead of the sand.

"You must have amazing chakra control to be able to move such small objects in such an intricate way", she blurted out to break the illusion of intimacy. Moving his sand for his own amusement in a half-lit tent was probably nothing he considered intimate and she needed to snap out of it before she did something embarrassing. "Must have made all your friends jealous with your sandcastle skills when you were a kid." She watched the sand, saw it stop for a second before it began its slow swirling again, as he said,

"I didn't have any friends when I was young."

"Oh", what did you say to that? Sorry? "Did your parents play with you?" She looked back at him and saw that now his hands were fastened on the moving sand.

"My mother died when I was a baby and my father viewed me as an experiment for the sake of the village that unfortunately went wrong. My uncle raised me for a while." She heard a faint one of bitterness in his tone and her heart bled.

"I'm so sorry." She hadn't been able to make her parents proud but she had always known they loved her.

"Don't be. For what I've done I deserved worse."

"No! No, I don't think you did. I think you were just a little boy who never knew he was loved and it shaped you. You can't shoulder the whole blame for the outcome and for the mistakes you've made you have a lifetime left to make up for them."

"You know what I was?"

"I had to study Jinchuuriki for an assignment from Tsunade-sama. You came up." He was silent for a while and she was afraid she'd said too much.

"What about your parents?" She blinked in surprise, it was the first time he had asked her a personal question and before she could stop herself the truth tumbled out.

"They always loved me but they were never proud of me. They were disappointed that I showed no aptitude for their lifestyle." She picked a handful of sand from the floor and let it run out of her fist into the palm of her other hand.

"They were in ANBU, close-range combat shinobi. They could never understand me. I only wanted them to be proud of me but no matter how many high scores I brought home on my written tests they would always ask me why I wasn't better at shuriken practice since I could calculate the exact speed and angle required to hit the target or if there was a book where you could learn taijutsu. They were good people and they loved me but it always hurt to know they wished I were different. They died thinking I would be a genin for the rest of my life. I wish they knew I made jonin."

"They do", he said calmly and she turned to meet his gaze. She saw no lie in his eyes, no simple wish to only make her feel better, he truly believed what he'd said. It calmed her in a way no empty assurances that her parents were proud of her ever had. She smiled and then looked down to see a small, perfectly detailed sandcastle with towers and pinnacles sat in front of her.

POV

Gaara watched her eyes turn from quiet sadness to astonished pleasure from something as simple as a turn of his hand, rearranging the sand. He'd never seen eyes as expressive as hers, they were completely unguarded and every emotion seemed to flash in them. And yet, when he'd told her about his childhood he'd seen no judgement in them, no pity, just an endless understanding. She'd waited for him to tell her before bringing it up, even though she'd known from the start that he had been a monster.

Usually people seemed to ignore his past now that he was a respectable citizen and a Kage but she hadn't shied when he had brought it up or offered the pity that put his back up. If anything she had only seemed sad for the boy he had once been, which was similar to how he felt himself. He wondered how any parents could fail to see how incredible she was, and only asking for acceptance in return.

"…really beautiful and the details are amazing", her voice tuned back in his mind and he realized she was still praising the little sandcastle.

"Do you want to keep it?" Her eyes widened,

"Can I? I mean it's your chakra reinforced sand, I know you only have a limited amount and I wouldn't want to take any away from you?" The castle was about as big in circumference as her hand and about 20 centimetres high and he wondered if she realized that the amount was miniscule.

"I can get new easily, especially such a small amount."

"Then I'd love to keep it." She smiled at him in a way that made him unable to look away. Quickly he got up.

"Won't it break if I move it?" He reached out his hand and felt the sand do his bidding, solidifying, even if it looked no different.

"No it'll stay that way. Unless I die", he smiled bitterly.

"What?" Her eyes seemed huge.

"If I die there's no chakra to keep the sand together", he explained.

"Oh…right. I hope it never breaks then", she said and his heart did some weird thing in his chest.

"The chances have improved with your new jutsu." He turned to leave.

"Goodnight, Kazekage-sama", she said, still on the floor with the little castle in front of her. He stopped and considered for a moment.

"You may call me by my name", it sounded stiff and pompous in his ears but he seldom asked anyone to call him by name, it suggested a closeness he rarely felt.

"You can call me by mine, then. Goodnight…Gaara." His heart did the weird thing again, feeling as if it forgot to beat for a second and then caught up by giving a harder beat when she said his name,

"Goodnight, Sayuri."


	4. Chapter 4

The sandcastle wasn't big but she had been staring at it for several hours as if it held all the secrets of the universe. She'd been forbidden in no uncertain terms to leave the camp and she was not to come with to the planned ambush site. To be honest this had been the first time she had ever wanted to go on a raid. But no amount of pleading could convince Gaara that she should be there for the execution of the plan. No matter that it had been her idea from the start.

She sighed, the logical part of her brain knew that she would be more of a nuisance than a help. She could execute the jutsu, and probably better than most but if a battle ensued she would be rather helpless.

Sayuri kicked the leg of her desk repeatedly. Never before had it bothered her so much that she to enter a battle would probably need her own set of bodyguards. She could perform complicated jutsus, forgotten techniques and was a fair strategist but all it took to bring her down was one opponent behind her line of defence. Even as a long range ninja she would be running at a very high risk, every battle would be almost suicidal. And every chain is only as strong as its weakest link, she reminded herself. And she was a strong link, just not in battle. She was suited for her desk and the role of a teacher, passing on her knowledge to those who were better suited at putting that knowledge to use in action.

All this her sensible mind knew, but this was her plan, her work put into action. And Gaara would be there, taking the risks. What if something went wrong? What if she'd made a mistake in the calculations? In the end Gaara had won the argument by deciding that she could come if she could beat Kakashi in a duel. All Kakashi had had to do was push his forehead protector up to reveal his Sharingan before she'd caved. She knew how the Sharingan worked very well, and therefore realized that even if she could use jutsus he couldn't he could easily copy them and she would be the least successful at dodging them.

That left her in her tent. She was an okay healer but no one had returned yet and that meant she had nothing to do. Well, she had loads of work to do but she just couldn't concentrate, she kept worrying that something would go wrong, that Gaara would get hurt. Or anyone else, she reminded herself, she was only staring at the castle making sure he was okay because he was the only one she could keep track of because of the state of the little sand model.

So far it was okay, standing innocently on her desk. Sayuri usually kept it on her nightstand. The nightstand she had asked Yamato to make her for the purpose of keeping the castle on, so she could see it before she went to sleep. Feeling like an idiot she had asked him if he could make it so she could keep a light by her and read in bed. Her voice had seemed ridiculously practiced and false in her ears but Yamato had only agreed, gone to her tent and conjured it. Now she kept it so she could see it, it reminded her of fairy tales and fairy tales meant peace and prosperity. It was a good reminder how life could be, would be again. That he had made it to make her happy wasn't it at all. Not at all.

Frustrated she pulled a random paper closer but the numbers wouldn't dance today. She gave up the thought of working for the umpteenth time of the day and settled back in her chair, eyes fastened on the castle. Time seemed to slow down and speed up regardless of time perception and then - after she didn't know how long, she heard an increase in volume outside, an excited buzz was spreading. The noise grew louder and she stood up, then heard a shouted "they're back!" and was out the tent in a flash.

The whole camp seemed to be moving in the same direction to welcome the returning Earth Style users and she was swallowed up by a tidal wave of people. She let the current bring her to the southeast end of the camp where she spotted a stream of people coming from the opposite direction. Then she was pushed sideways by the jostling crowd, all trying to reach their friends or family. Out of the mass she had more freedom to move and for once she wished she were taller, not to have longer legs, but to spot the familiar form of the Kazekage. Then she saw him, spotted his auburn hair and scarlet coat. He was standing a little away from the crowd, on a small plateau, with his siblings behind him and Kakashi by his side. He was half-turned away from her, silently watching the returning shinobi being hugged and kissed and slapped on the back. Greeting the Commander was obviously taking second place to making sure your friends and family were unharmed. His arms were crossed over his chest, his eyes impenetrable and his coat was snapping in the wind and she felt her heart swell in joy. He was fine, he wasn't hurt. Without thinking she raced forward, pushed through the last barrier of people, ran up to the small rise and flung her arms around him. She wasn't sure but she thought she'd seen Kakashi give Gaara a push so he lost his balance and had to uncross his arms to regain his balance, then her arms were around his neck and she felt his warmth, could finally believe he was really there, safe and sound. She felt him stiffen and quickly pulled away.

"Er…" She stood awkwardly. She'd just hugged the most powerful man in the ninja world. "How did it go?" She felt the heat rise in her cheeks as Gaara only stood, seeming too shocked by her familiar hug to speak. Luckliy, to save her from eternal embarrassment, Kakashi piped in,

"It worked, Sayuri. We got almost a quarter of them in one go. They never knew what hit them. She couldn't help the laugh that escaped her; she'd accomplished something today. She had saved lives. She'd never known victory could be so sweet. Kakashi smiled his happy hedgehog smile at her and she had to hug him too. Then Guy-sensei appeared out of nowhere and grabbed her by the waist and spun her around.

Later that night she was tipsy on congratulations and to be frank, quite a bit of sake. Somehow everyone seemed to know who she was and that she had come up with the plan executed so successfully. Shinobi were allowed rations of sake, a small amount once a week but most refrained to always stay alert. However everyone had been happy to give her their shares and toast her. Feeling as if she'd appear ungrateful if she didn't accept it she had ended up having a bit more than she was used to. She was now a tiny bit affected, she admitted to herself. Kakashi had kindly offered to walk her to her tent and since he'd been nice enough to phrase it as a question rather than a suggestion that she was too tipsy to take care of herself she had accepted. They got to the tent without any mishaps worse than knocking over stuff and her over-sharing (as in whispering loudly in a conspiratorial manner that the Kazekage had a really nice body under all those clothes). Kakashi had taken it in stride and opened the tentflap for her, then spotted the Lord of Sand inside and quickly excused himself.

Now Sayuri was standing, swaying only slightly, with one eye closed to try and focus on the gently spinning shape of Gaara.

"You've kept it", he nodded towards the little castle sitting on her desk.

"Mm, yes. Been watching the whole stupid day for cracks, couldn't even work." She wasn't slurring but talking in the dreamy tone that came before it. "Usually keep it here", she waved towards the nightstand as she made her way to the bed. He have her another of his piercing looks as she struggled with the zipper on her flak jacket.

"Off, you silly thing, need to get it off", she mumbled to the zipper.

"Here, let me help." He stepped closer and gently pushed her hands away, unzipping the jacket and helping her out of it. Had Sayuri been soberer she'd seen his hands shaking slightly but she only plopped down on the bed.

"Thanks. Tricky stuff, zippers."

POV

Gaara tried to swallow what felt like a fistful of his sand. Sayuri was clearly tipsy and needed help but to actually take off a piece of her clothing came a bit too close to some of the dreams he'd had lately. After watching her struggle with the zipper for a moment he shook his head. It was just a flak jacket, what was there to get worked up about? He stepped closer,

"Here, let me help." His voice sounded rusty and he pushed her fumbling hands away. He caught the sent of her as she let her arms fall to her sides, something fresh and appealing, like walking outside in during a summer night. He'd felt the softness of her skin as he'd pushed her hands away and felt his hands shake slightly as he closed his fingers around the zipper. The warmth from her body seemed to caress the back of his hand as he unzipped the jacket and the sound of it seemed to echo unnaturally loudly in his head. Trustingly she turned so he could help her out of the garment and he felt his heart constrict as the words "not for you" flashed in his brain. She crawled onto the bed and he put the jacket down, knowing he was going to spend a painful night, recalling every detail of this night. That was as close as he was ever going to get.

"I just came by to thank you for…today. It was a victory thanks to you." He thought he could make out a small smile in the dusk. He heard her breathing slow and thought she'd fallen asleep, so he pulled up the covers around her and turned to leave when she said sleepily,

"You smell nice." Gaara went out, hoping the cold air would slow down his heartbeat and the heat that was racing through him. He nodded absently to the guards he's posted outside. The research was no longer in danger but he would take no chances. From the guards reports he knew Sayuri often brought them food from the tent and let them sit inside when it was cold, she was just that kind of person. But she didn't hug them. She had hugged him today, like no one ever had before, just thrown her arms around him as if it were the most natural thing in the world. As if in relief that he wasn't hurt, as if she were happy to see him. And she'd kept the little sandcastle he'd given her, next to her bed on a nightstand he couldn't remember having seen in there before. Gaara rubbed a hand over his heart where it felt as if too many emotions were crowded at once. He knew that when he saw her his spirits inexplicably lifted and when he didn't see her he thought about her constantly. When she said his name or smiled at him his heart did the tumbling thing in his chest. He wondered if this was what it was like to like someone. He suddenly realized his feet had taken him to his tent and he went inside. It looked empty and dark inside and he sat down heavily on his bed. Koizumi Sayuri was not for the likes of him. The little flame of hope that she liked him a little only made the pain worse. He could never have her, she wasn't for him. Someone like him should never soil someone as pure as her. He was in love with her, he realized and knowing he couldn't do anything about it left him stuck with a painful hollowness inside.


	5. Chapter 5

After the success of her plan Sayuri went back to research but now her status seemed to have increased and people often greeted her cheerily when they saw her. All the Kages had personally thanked her and Tsunade-sama had even come by the tent to praise her. She cringed when she thought of the night the Kazekage had come to thank her. He'd had to help her unzip her jacket, and he'd had to put her to bed, like she was a child. As if that wasn't bad enough she then thought she vaguely remembered having told him he smelled nice. God, she was a moronic drunk.

Even though she'd behaved like an idiot he had kept coming by and was now in the habit of stopping by almost every day to check on her research. Since she really couldn't go by the Kazekage's tent without a specific reason she was glad he came by and often stayed for a while to talk after she'd reported. Slowly Sayuri thought she was getting to know him, the real him under all the armour he wore. She understood his need for it and grieved for the boy who had never gotten to be a boy. When he'd told her the story behind the markings on his forehead she had cried for him - but not until he had left. She knew him well enough to know he would think she pitied him. On the contrary her respect and admiration for him only grew the more she found out about him.

But it was taking time to get to know him, sometimes when she asked something he just closed up. Still, some things kept her going. Like the first time she'd heard him laugh, a deep, slightly rusty chuckle. She could barely remember what it had set it off; it had been some silly story about a puppy she had had as a little girl. But the memory of hearing his laugh and seeing his eyes shine with mirth would always stay with her.

All in all he had been coming almost every day for the two weeks after the success of the raid. Since she was such a clueless person when it came to anything that wasn't written in a book it wasn't until yesterday she had realized she was in love with Gaara. She, Koizumi Sayuri, research nin from Konoha was in love with one of the most formidable ninjas in the entire world and the Commander of the Allied Forces. It was pretty pathetic, he was the Kazekage and she had been terribly close to end up a genin for the rest of her life. When she'd realized, after he had just left and she was sitting watching the little sandcastle with a moronic smile on her face, she had laid her head on her desk and laughed til she cried. After that she'd collected herself and tried to argue herself out of love with him. So far it had been to no avail.

She was lying in her bed at pre-dawn when the signal sounded. An attack was imminent and all able ninjas were called to the field. That meant medical duty for her, handling smaller injuries and helping where she could. Hurriedly she put her clothes on and slipped out in the early morning mist. It was cold and with her breath hovering in clouds around her she hurried towards the medical tents. She could already see it would be bad, the watch must have been surprised.

Sayuri had only just made it inside the tent before Haruno Sakura had delegated her to heal smaller injuries and dress wounds in the corner set up for that purpose. She didn't feel the hours slip by as she worked and in the back of her head she was grateful she had no time to worry about Gaara, she focused only on the task in front of her. Then suddenly Sakura laid a hand on her shoulder and startled Sayuri out of her exhausted, robotic dressing of a leg wound.

"Sayuri, I didn't realize you were still here, your shift should've ended hours ago. I guess you weren't relieved since you're not on the team, I'm sorry." Tired to the bone she only shook her head,

"I'm glad to help." She noted the way the sun slanted in and realized it was late evening, she'd been working non-stop all day. "Any news?" Sayuri asked as she stood up to leave. At this point of exhaustion she was of no use anyway.

"The clones keep coming, we're holding them back but not winning any land. Choji just came in but it seems to look worse than it is. He said they just took the Kazekage to his tent but I don't know-"

"What?" Sayuri felt all tiredness evaporate and her senses sharpened almost painfully, every detail was brought into focus from the rustling of the tent fabric to the little specks of dust dancing in the sunlight. "Ga-The Kazekage was hurt?"

Sakura looked surprised at Sayuri's sudden alertness but answered, "I don't know how or if it's bad, Shizune just went-" was as far as she got before Sayuri had rushed out. Disregarding the fact that she was tired enough to feel as if moving through water she ran through the camp. She saw a small clump of people outside the opening and recognized Temari on guard duty and approached her.

"How is he?

"He'll be fine," she said and pulled open the tentflap, letting Sayuri pass. She hurried past into the warm tent. The sun had had been warming the air inside all day and it was stifling. Sayuri went into the bedroom and realized quite a few people crammed into the small space had helped the heat build. Shizune and Tsunade were talking in one corner, Kakashi, Kankuro and two sand ninjas stood along the walls. On the bed was Gaara, even paler than usual and with his arm bandaged. She didn't dare approach him and instead joined Kakashi.

"How is he?"

"Chakra exhaustion. He'll be fine, Tsunade-sama says. He used up too much chakra and the ultimate defence failed for an instant so his arm got hit." Her shoulders slumped in relief at having seen with her own eyes and having it confirmed that Gaara would be fine.

"I'm glad. It was bad out there today." Kakashi nodded and she thought she saw a grimmer set in his jaw than usual. The experienced ninja undoubtedly had had a few bad ones in his life and she could tell from his face this was going down in his memories as one of them.

"It was. I'm heading back out. Just wanted to see Gaara back. He saved a lot of lives today." She smiled at him for being so considerate.

"I'm sure you did too, Hatake Kakashi." He nodded his goodbye and left. To save some more lives, no doubt, she thought and wished harder than ever before that she could fight. Then she could be there, she could help. Maybe Gaara wouldn't have to lie there if she had been able to defend herself at the very least. She sunk down with her back leaning on a crate and didn't notice she almost instantly drifted off to sleep.

POV

When Gaara woke up it was dark outside. With a start he sat up. His arm throbbed and let out a hiss of pain. He felt weak and tired as if he had the flu and he recognized the signs of chakra exhaustion. Stupid. He'd been stupid to overestimate his abilities. But when he'd seen the flames rushing towards the long range squad he'd acted without thinking, effectively sealing off the front line with his sand. He wondered if they had gotten someone else.

Listening, he couldn't hear the febrile action signifying a battle outside in the camp. He relaxed slightly. It was over for now. He should get up and go over the damage. Then he heard the soft breathing. Someone else was in the tent. He stiffened in preparation to fight but realized the breathing was slow, relaxed….had Temari posted a guard inside who had fallen asleep? She knew he hated to have his privacy disturbed more than necessary. He struck a match to see so he could wake the guard up and send him on his way. He held up the lit match and almost dropped it straight away. Leaning against a crate with her knees propped up and a jacket spread over her was Sayuri.

He lit the candle next to his bed and got up. Who had left her asleep sitting on the ground? He felt himself swaying and realized he must have been worse off than he'd first thought. He kneeled in front of her to wake her, then stopped. Could it be that she hadn't been left due to oversight but because….she wanted to? Had she worried and wanted to stay by his side?

"Sayuri", his voice sounded unfamiliar to his own ears, gentler than usual. Slowly he saw her eyelids flutter before they opened and focused on him.

POV

Sayuri thought his voice was part of her dream but something tugged at her consciousness and slowly she woke up. She felt cold and stiff and she realized it was due to her sitting, sleeping on the ground with only a flak jacket (she thought she recognized it as Kakashi's) spread over her. The tent was dark save for a candle but she could make out Gaara in front of her.

"Hi." Suddenly her brain caught up and she remembered why she was there.

"How do you feel?" She scrambled to her knees. "Does anything hurt?" Her hands seemed to travel his arms of their own accord, checking for damage.

"I'm fine." She could hear rather than see confusion in his voice. "Why are you here, Sayuri?" Her hands stopped on his shoulders. She could feel the heat of his body through the fabric of his shirt, the rise and fall of his breathing. His knee was touching hers as they kneeled opposite each other and she was suddenly intensely aware of the position of his body, how it was angled towards her. Her eyes sought his in the half-light.

"Well, I…Because I…" The atmosphere was different than before, she couldn't just shrug this off and joke about it. She had to come clear. But she couldn't find the words for it. Instead she acted on impulse and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him closer before placing her lips over his. For a moment he was completely still then his unharmed arm crept around her waist and pulled her even closer. Sayuri couldn't claim any great experience but her body seemed to be moving on its own. Her hand travelled to his neck and she shifted slightly so she was on his lap, all with a sense of urgency to get closer and closer. Then he suddenly pushed her away and turned and she could only hear his ragged breathing.

"Go!"

She reached for his hand but he pushed it away and as if it had hurt physically she clutched it to her chest. With tears already falling she stumbled out of the tent.

POV

Gaara hugged his knees to his chest, trying to fill the emptiness he felt inside. Not since he had been a young boy had he been so close to giving in, let the walls crumble. Finding her there, caring enough to sleep on the ground then kissing him like...as if she _liked_ him.

He hadn't been able to keep himself from asking her why she was there, could no longer stand the feeling of caring so much and not knowing if she liked him at all. It had been foolish. He knew he could never let her close. He had promised himself long ago to never set himself up for hurt again. And even if he would be willing to risk it he could not. He did not deserve someone as pure and loving as Sayuri.

But that kiss had made feelings he never could have even imagined rush through him, it had broken the dam of pent up feelings and it had swept him up in a flood, filling up where there had only been emptiness before, washing away what had been. Then his defences had kicked in. Never again. Not only because of the hurt but because of what it had made him capable of before. The One-Tail might be gone but he had been all too happy to let it through before. The only way he had been able to deal had been to take it out on others. Never again would he risk hurting others, especially not Sayuri.

He had a lifetime of repenting for old sins before him. She deserved better, not the monster he had been and knew he would always live with. The monster that had nothing to do with the One-Tail, the monster that lived inside him, that was in his soul. He would protect her from anything, even from himself. He didn't realize he was crying until the tears falling on his up-drawn knees grew cold.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thank you so much for your kind reviews so far, they make updating so much fun! I hope you'll like this chapter, I sure liked writing it.

Temari really wasn't a meddling sort of person. She didn't appreciate other people butting into her business and she did other people the same courtesy. But seeing her brother this morning had her re-thinking her principle. Gaara's eyes hadn't been that cold in a long time and she recognized it as her little brother's favourite defence mechanism – complete emotional shut-down. She had no problem understanding where it came from after having grown-up with him and seeing how he was treated. She exchanged a glance with Kankuro and saw he'd recognized the look too. Kankuro motioned her over to the corner with a nod and as the Kages's strategy meeting began he whispered,

"The ninjas on night detail told me they saw that little researchnin from Konoha come out at around 2 a.m. She was crying, they say." Temari furrowed her brow as she went back to her position behind her brother. Gaara might think otherwise but she could easily imagine what had happened. She'd seen the Konoha nin's googly eyes directed at Gaara but hadn't realized the little researcher had been what preoccupied her little brother lately. Even if he was completely clueless when it came to these things, he had many female admirers but they mostly only cared for the fact that he was a powerful ninja and romanticized his quiet and cool demeanour. At least this one seemed to be interested in the real Gaara, not his hero status. If you sat at someone's sick bed after working a 16-hour shift in the medics tent you cared about someone. That had made her glad, that the Konoha ninja cared. She had never noticed Gaara returning any affection but he wasn't the most expressive of people. Maybe this…Sayuri, that was her name, had woken something in her brother, something she'd worried had been killed long ago. If he did like her then she could guess the turmoil stirring inside him. It might be time to interfere. How troublesome, she quoted to herself with a smirk.

POV

Sayuri had spent a sleepless night pacing asking herself lots of questions that started with "why". Why had she kissed him? Why had he kissed her back? And above all, _why_ had he pushed her away? Had he realized the girl he was kissing was only a fairly plain-looking research ninja and not a long-legged kunoichi and didn't want to give her false hope? Or worse, did he only think of her as a friend? Had she been blinded by her own feelings, superimposing a fantasy on reality, a fantasy where she thought he had liked her, at least a little more than a friend?

Frustrated beyond belief she had thrown herself into work, had buried herself in it, frenziedly switching from project to project until there was no time left to think or feel beyond the next page, the next answer.

She had lost count of the hours that had passed from her getting up in the early hours of the morning when she was startled out of the haze by someone entering the tent unannounced. She looked up and saw Temari standing in front of her desk giving her the same kind of piercing look her brother often did. Was it some kind of patented family trait of intimidation? Suddenly Sayuri was aware of the fact that she had zipped her flak jacket over stripy pyjamas, pulled her hair back and secured it with a piece of string and probably looked as if she had been working as many hours as she actually had. Well, she had nothing to prove anymore, what did it matter if she looked like an overtired lunatic?

"You're in love with my brother, aren't you?" Shocked, Sayuri could only gape at the blonde. "I'm not much for beating around the bush, it's a waste of time. I love my brother so I'm acting as unbidden messenger. Listen closely, I'm only going to say this once, cause I hate betraying secrets." She walked up to the desk, placed her hands on it and leaned forward, "Gaara thinks that because of his past he doesn't deserve to be loved. I don't know how much you know about…before, but he thinks that if he's hurt again the monster will return. In a way he's protecting you by pushing you away. If you care as much as I think you do you need to find a way to get through to him, make him understand that he doesn't deserve to be alone."

"But he doesn't want me! I don-"

"-Have you been listening to a word I said? Of course he wants you, that's why he's hurting so much right now!"

"But…How do I…" Sayuri shrugged helplessly.

"I don't know. I know he doesn't think he deserves you, I guess it's time you prove you deserve him." She had been rejected once, she had lived, she could just as well do it twice. Besides if there was the slightest possibility Temari was right then…then she had a chance, didn't she?

"All right, I'll go see him."

"Good girl." Temari straightened up and turned towards the exit then stopped. "Are those the clothes you slept in?"

After changing into clean clothes and leaving the flak jacket behind at Temari's suggestion that it did nothing for women Sayuri was following in the stride of the kunoichi. Her palms were sweating and her heart was beating at twice its normal speed. The walk over during which she'd planned to think of what she should say seemed to take only an instant and suddenly she was standing in front of his tent with no more profound words in her head than when she'd left her desk. She felt like turning on her heel and run back to hide under it. But it seemed Temari was a mind reader and she grabbed Sayuri by the wrist and dragged her inside.

Gaara was sitting behind his desk, Kankuro was standing behind him and Kakashi and Shikamaru were standing facing him, turning as they heard the two women enter.

"Out.", Temari ordered in a manner that tolerated no objections. "Right now." Shikamaru was the first to move after rolling his eyes and – did she imagine it? – a hint of a smile directed at Temari, then Kakashi who sent her a cheery wink and lastly Kankuro who seemed reluctant but caved after Temari narrowed her eyes at him. Then she was suddenly alone with Gaara in the tent that seemed even smaller than ususal.

"Ah…I," she squirmed inwardly before she drew a deep breath, "I just thought I should answer your question from yesterday. Why I was there, I mean. When…when I look at you, do you know what I see? I see someone who has been through difficult times and come out a better person on the other side of it. I see someone who is strong and caring, someone who would listen to a junior researcher when her superior wouldn't. I see someone who is brave and unselfish, who treasures his friends and protects everyone around him. You might not see it, Gaara but it's not just me, everyone depends on you, you're the one that gives them hope. You're the one holding the Allied Forces together, not because you're the strongest fighter, but because they all know you'd gladly die in their stead if you could. Someone as loved as you can't be a monster, do you see?" She stepped closer to him and laid a hand on his cheek, turned his face towards her, saw a storm of emotions in his eyes. "Look at me. I'm in love with you. Do you think I could love a monster?" She heard him inhale sharply, saw his eyes look searchingly into hers and prayed that he'd find whatever answer it was he was looking for there.

"Say it again", his voice was a bit rusty but she knew what he meant, could read the uncertainty and the shimmer of hope in his eyes.

"I'm in love with you." Slowly, so slowly she could actually see it happening the armour seemed to dissolve, the coldness evaporate, the tension fade. Afraid to break the moment she hardly dared to breathe as he rose and closed the space between them, his arm wrapping around her waist. With his free hand he touched her face tenderly, almost reverently before he bent and covered her lips with his. Everything in Sayuri seemed to erupt into joy. She had heard of seeing fireworks when you kissed but she didn't see or hear anything spectacular, yet she understood what was meant by it. It felt like every cell in her body was exploding with joy, rushing into a heady mix of happiness and excitement. Her arms rose of their own accord to wind around his neck as he pressed her closer. He deepened the kiss and she could suddenly feel a different sort of headiness envelope her. She felt as if a volcano had started to simmer at her core, a building pressure with a great underlying heat. Every thought but the need to get closer was wiped out. Devoured by a need she had never felt before, didn't know she could feel she ran a hand through his hair as her other hand roamed over the taut muscles in his back. She felt rather than heard something like a groan escape him as it reverberated and hummed inside her own body. His arm around her waist tightened and then she didn't feel ground under her feet anymore. Before she had time to react he'd spun them around and set her down on his desk, then his mouth travelled from her mouth down her neck and she let her body take over from her mind.

In the dim light from the evening sky working its way through the tent fabric Sayuri's skin seemed to glow. She was curled up in his bed, her back towards him, fast asleep. He saw her ribcage rise and fall with every deep breath. Her hair was spread over the pillow behind her and the covers were slung low over her hips. He marvelled at how life could change in just a few hours. Merely hours before he'd been miserable and now he had Sayuri by his side. Sayuri who loved him, loved him for who he was, knew the good and the bad but apparently saw more of the good. He could hardly believe it. Gaara moved closer and let his arm slip around her waist. She mumbled something in her sleep that sounded remarkably like calculations and squirmed closer. He pressed a kiss on her shoulder and settled in behind her.

The signal woke him and he swore wholeheartedly. Why now? He stumbled out of bed as Sayuri sat up and blinked sleepily before realizing what had woken her up. She jumped out of the bed and started a frantic search for her clothes that would have looked ridiculous under any other circumstances. Quickly he dressed and stopped Sayuri's mad rushing about by grabbing her by the shoulders. She had only gotten as far as putting on her underwear and was clutching the rest of her clothes to her chest.

"I have to go. Stay in the camp." He saw the forlorn look that passed over her face but she nodded.

"Be safe. Don't…Don't get hurt. Please."

"I don't plan to", he gave her a quick smile, "I feel fairly invincible." She managed a shaky smile in return when Kankuro suddenly came bursting in.

"Gaara, why're you…Oh", he finished lamely as he spotted the moderately dressed Sayuri. "Sorry!" He backed out quickly with his face burning on his for once unmade-up face and Gaara couldn't help laughing. It was strange, on one hand his mind was fully aware of the situation at hand and he grasped the gravity of it but for the first time he was still able to laugh. This was all there was, they were at war and wishing it away wouldn't help. Seeing the moments of joy was what would help them survive.

"I love you, Sayuri." No one had ever really explained to him what love felt like, how you knew. He guessed the only explanation would have been – you just know. She looked away from frozenly staring at the spot where Kankuro had backed out. Her cheeks were the same shade as his brother's.

"I—What? What did you say?"

"You heard me. Put your clothes on." He gave her a peck and walked out. He felt ready to take on the whole clone army single-handedly. Adjusting his holster belt he left the tent. The Fourth Division had almost finished congregating outside and he nodded greetings to the faces he recognized. Then suddenly the hushed chatter faded into silence and Gaara looked up from tugging his holster belt into palce, were the clones here already? Everyone's gazes were fixed on something behind him and slowly he turned to see Sayrui who had stumbled out of his tent, her shirt not properly buttoned, her hair a tangled mess as she rubbed her eyes sleepily. He saw her look up and see the entire Fourth Division stare back at her and her mouth dropped open.

POV

In her rush to get to the medical tent she had used the front entrance to the tent not remembering that that was where the Fourth Division, Gaara's Division congregated on their way to the field. Now she stood, looking like she'd been doing what she had been doing, with the Kazekage in his tent, facing the several hundred ninjas under his command. The silence seemed to stretch before catcalls erupted somewhere in the back and spread forward through the unit. She winced, how stupid could she be? Then Gaara was suddenly next to her, taking her hand in his and pressing a kiss on the back of it.

"I'll see you soon", he said quietly and then turned back towards the cheering crowd, nodded and as one the whole Division set out, disappearing in mere seconds. Dumbfounded Sayuri stood for another moment before managing to shake herself out of the stupor. Okay, she had embarrassed herself yet again, it wasn't going to be the last time either, that was just who she was but what did it matter now? Gaara loved her.

THE END

A/N: There will be a sequel, just add me on author alert to see when! Hope you enjoyed this,

Sannikex


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